Connections

Going public with my eating disorder was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I was making myself vulnerable and open to judgment and being vulnerable is something I really struggle with, even in the safety of my therapy room and with my closest friends. While getting my feelings and my story out has been really cathartic for me, what has helped me heal the most and brought me the most blessing is all the connections I've made and how much I've been able to help others through my transparency. Now I will say that to protect the privacy of the wonderful women I've met who may not be ready to go public with their personal journeys, I'm going to give everyone nicknames instead of using their real names, at least for those who have been through our struggle. Anyway...

I met Florida at the NEDA walk in my hometown in October of 2013. She is still dear to my heart and I try to see her and her daughter as much as I can. We were both walking alone and got to talking. I told her about vaulting and she came out to try it and has been a special member of the team every since. If I hadn't taken the risk of going to that walk and saying openly that I was there because I had struggled, I wouldn't have a friendship that means so much to me and someone who I have helped and has helped me through recovery.

My beautiful roommate in college, Barefoot, and I lived together for many months before we opened up to each other and discovered we had both suffered from eating disorders. It meant so much to have someone that close to me who understood what I was going through. I knew I always had someone to talk to about it if things got rough.

I frequently share things on my Facebook from different recovery groups and eating disorder pages and after seeing something I'd posted, an online friend I'd conversed with many times, Daisy, told me of her current struggles with an eating disorder. I was the first person she ever told. I was able to give her support and let her know she wasn't alone, as well as find her a good counselor who in-turn found her a program to help her jump-start her recovery.

The other day at work, Fajita, one of my co-workers, opened up to our other co-workers that she used to be anorexic. She bravely answered their prying questions and tried to explain such an intimate, confusing part of her life. I sent her a message the next day to let her know I was in recovery too and she could always talk to me. I could hear the relief in her words as she typed back. She said how hard it'd been for her to share that with everyone and that she's almost cried...and that she still struggles. I told her that I do too and we bonded. Now, we know each other, understand each other, on a whole new level and we can both tell, even if we never speak of it again. We both know the other is there to understand our struggle.

Connecting with other amazing warriors brings me so much joy and helps me know that even in the hard times I made the right decision by putting my struggles and my journey out there. Those I meet because of it help me as much as I help them. If nothing else, we both leave knowing there's someone out there who understands, who gets us in a way no one else can. That in itself empowers us to move forward, knowing we don't have to do it alone.